Sheri Samotin’s book, Facing the
Finish, A Road Map for Aging Parents and Adult Children, is an essential guide to end of life planning. “One of the biggest mistakes I see is folks who wait too long,” says Samotin. “By the time they decide what they want to do, their choices are more limited and they feel like they have lost control of the situation.”
In Facing the Finish, Samotin draws on her vast experience as a life transition coach. She offers real-life examples, knowledge and practical advice to her readers as they prepare for the older adult’s final years. Facing the Finish covers the decisions to be made about housing, health care, personal care, finances, and death, and how to make those decisions. The book also discusses managing family dynamics.
Samotin stresses the importance of planning. Throughout the book, she reminds us that that when plans are made before they are needed, older adults are able to choose where they will live, who will provide their care, and how their money will be managed. If they wait, it is more likely they won’t get to make the decisions at all.
Samotin speaks frankly yet compassionately to both her older readers and their children. She reminds older adults their children are now competent grown-ups with decision making abilities. Samotin acknowledges, “Getting old stinks. Nobody wants to admit that it is happening to them.” Yet, aging is a fact of life and people need to accept that someday they will need help. Further, she tells older adults to be honest and clear with their caregivers about what they want and need.
Samotin tells adult children they need to accept the fact their parents are aging and eventually will no longer be able to care for themselves. She describes the signs indicating parents need help and coaches on how to broach this difficult subject. Samotin talks about balancing the needs of the adult children, their families and their parents. She also offers advice on engaging siblings in their parent’s care, and maintaining the older adult’s independence as much as possible.
Two underlying themes run thoughout Facing the Finish. The first is two-way communication. Samotin stresses the importance of all parties relearning how to truly listen to each other. “A clear, honest, and thorough exchange of ideas is the key to harmony.”
The second theme is the importance of honoring and respecting the older adult’s wishes, even when the adult children may not agree, while making certain the older adult is well cared for. “If you don’t believe the situation is combustible, just organize a coup, take over your parent’s business without their permission, and watch the flames erupt.”
If you are an older adult wanting to plan for your final years and want to engage your children in the discussion, or you are an adult child concerned about your parents’ future and want to help them plan, Facing the Finish is a “must read” for you.
Facing the Finish, A Road Map for Aging Parents and Adult Children by Sheri Samotin is published by Bascom Hill Publishing Group, Minneapolis, Minnesota. List price is $15.95.
