Recently, I have been contacted by people looking for help controlling their spending. While I pay bills for people and help them manage their day-to-day financial details, budgeting, which most people associate with spending control, is not a service I offer.
When I started Money Care 10 years ago, a few clients came to me specifically for a budget. They were overspending and, wanting to cut back, thought a budget would help. My approach was to assist these individuals to develop their own “spending plans” based on their personal values. I believe, if the people using the budget create the budget, they will be more successful at actually sticking with it. Imposing a budget on them would not have worked.
Within a few years I dropped budgeting from my offered services. I found these clients really did not want a budget. To them a budget meant deprivation and having to tell themselves “no.” It requires self-discipline to create, follow and monitor a budget. Initially, Jeanine was excited to have a budget. She wanted to save for retirement. She had difficulty making the choice not to spend, however, and slipped back into her old habits. Jeanine appeared to resent the limitations on her spending.
I learned from my clients’ experiences. One of the biggest lessons: the willingness to make the necessary behavioral changes must come from within. If the internal push to make vital changes is missing, having a budget won’t keep someone from overspending. It is similar to dieting, where the emotional relationship to food needs to be addressed before eating habits can change. For some people, cutting back on spending can be a difficult emotional challenge.
Money itself is not the culprit. Money is simply a means of exchange. We trade money for goods and services. It is the symbols and emotions we attach to money that are the issues: guilt, self-worth, fear, worry, dread, entitlement, power, etc.
Our relationship with money is deeply embedded. We learned about money in our childhoods. Irrespective of whether we came from a wealthy, middle-class or low income family, we witnessed our parents’ relationship with money and have our own childhood and early adult experiences with it. We bring those lessons into adulthood and handle our money accordingly.
I believe if a person wants to change their behavior with money, they need to be ready and willing to have a long introspective look to understand why they relate to money as they do. The appropriate professionals to assist with this are therapists.
Money. Budgets. Overspending. What do these words stir-up for you?
