Safe from Scams: Keeping Our Elders Safe – Part II

In my last post I wrote about seniors as targets for fraud. In this post I offer suggestions on talking to our elders about protecting themselves from scams.
My client “Mary” pledges money over the phone to charities that she does not want to support. When I suggested that she hang up on solicitors, she said, “Oh! I couldn’t do that. My conscious won’t let me!” I will continue to discuss this with Mary until she is able to say, “No.”
We can’t change our elders’ habits and beliefs in one conversation. It works best to engage them in an on-going discussion. It is important not to lecture; no adult likes to be told what to do, especially by their children.
In your conversations with Mom and Dad, explain your concerns, and let them know that the rules of etiquette have changed. For our own safety, we can choose not to engage in conversations with strangers. You can suggest specific words and tools that they can use to protect themselves.

• Post replies that Dad can give solicitors by the telephone and the door: “I only respond after I have seen everything in writing.” “Put me on your ‘Do Not Call’ list.” “I don’t respond to solicitations.”
• Sign Mom up for caller ID or install an answering machine, and reassure her that it is okay to answer only the calls from people she knows.
• Install a widow for Dad to see who is at the door before he opens it. Ask him to not open the door to anyone he does not know.
• Help Mom make list of the charities that she wants to support. Post this by the telephone so she can turn down other solicitations.
• Ask Dad, if he is ever pressured to make an unplanned purchase or send money, to first seek help to verify the facts.

All of this requires our elders to change their behaviors – something not easily done. It may help for you to role model these suggestions to demonstrate that it is more important to protect yourself than to appear rude.
We cannot dictate how our parents spend their money. But we can express our concerns and help Mom and Dad establish practices to avoid scams. If your concerns are rebuffed as nonsense, you have planted a seed. My advice: don’t give up. It may take several conversations.